Are you lost?

Lost def/: The state of flabbergasted bewilderness wherein one is absolutely and hopelessly confused at not being able to identify one’s whereabouts when desperately trying to reach a place, address or location which does indeed have a specific whereabouts.

First, one must establish that the nearest exit is not behind you.
Second, breathe. One cannot read when asphyxiating.
Third. Beware of the dog.
Fourth. Follow these instructions:

Instructions

A: Read the instructions.
B: Do not misread, skip or misinterpret the instructions for if you do, we cannot guarantee that you will reach the exit and therefore you would be taking a routed journey to the exit at your own risk.
C: Be safe. Should you come into harm’s way upon following these instructions your insurance policy may or may not cover it.
D: These instructions must be instructefied with haste.
E: No swearing. It is disrespectful.
F: Do not lose your temper.
G: When confused, refer to these instructions again. For further advice refer to the website.
H: Find the things that make your eyes glow like the match in the dark. Carry the torch.

See you on the other side.